More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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