And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
