His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
a search helicopter?!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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