We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
