What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
