his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
