ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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