You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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