hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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