Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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