so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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