Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need water and some morals
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
