He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
