I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fuck appropriateness.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
