I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
