If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
