i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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