hotel room ftw
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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