Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
