I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
