the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
