I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
