Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
