If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
