I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
