yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
