i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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