I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
