Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was like eating out sand paper
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
