with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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