When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This house was built for laser tag.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
