haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
