There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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