So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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