My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
