Who wears a wallet chain?!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
