I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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