Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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