I'm lost and stupid without you.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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