the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
