Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
