I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
