i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
