you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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