Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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