You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
