You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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