Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
