come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im six kinds of drunk right now
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
