His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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