Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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