I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
