The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
