where am i from again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
